My reply to Corina’s Rules
After Corina first posted the rules to the group without running them by me first, I called her on the phone. After a phone call that lasted over an hour, I thought we resolved a number of issues. During that phone call Corina cried as she expressed some of her personal problems. In that phone call, I felt that we had built a closer connection, and had come to an understanding that she would show an additional content to me before posting it to the group. I was not happy when she then sent the previous email to every group member.
It was my opinion that Corina was not doing well under the stress that she felt to carry on Art’s Self Inquiry work here in Pittsburgh. My hope in writing the following email was relieve Corina from some of the burden that she had taken on so that she could relax in the meetings and be less stressed in the rest of her life.
In my reply to her I made it clear that the group was mine, but that I willing to share the meeting space, and allow her to have her own group posted on my Meetup page. My expectation was that Corina would email me back if she disagreed with my suggestion, or email me back that did want to start her own group. I did not anticipate how unstable Corina was.
My email to Corina:
Hi Corina:
After our conversation I am surprised that you posted your email to the entire group.
First some fact checking:
Although you attended Art’s group before he left, you, Ben, and whoever else attended that last meeting chose to dissolve that group. As you described it, that was an ad-hoc meeting for which no announcements went out. If I had attended, I would have offered to take over the group at that time. I was sad that Ben canceled the Meetup group, losing the 70+ names on that mailing list. Afterwards, you said that if it weren’t for me, the group would not have been restarted.
After returning to an empty meeting room for two months I restarted the Meetup group. I paid for the group. I am the Organizer of the group. I wrote the description for the group. And if I wished to I could remove you from the Meetup group.
This is now my group, not yours, and certainly not Art’s, who will never return to facilitate in Pittsburgh again. I am happy that you are a member of my group, and I am happy that you help to facilitate meetings, providing that you do not alienate my group members.
Now that those facts are clear:
When I restarted this group I was clear that I would not run the group exactly as Art did. Art was aggressive, frequently obnoxious, and I saw him alienate people who could have benefited from Self Inquiry. Because I disagreed with Art’s behavior, I did not speak in his meeting for the last three months that he was here. I do think there are benefits to Richard Rose’s format that are useful to keep, but there is no reason that his rules should be followed with an orthodoxy that drives people away.
Two meetings ago, you were so obnoxious that no group member who attended that Meetup except you and me have returned. Afterwards I talked with three group members who said that they were offended by your behavior, and I had to leave the room when you went after me. Now in this recent email you are continuing this severe behavior. I am politely asking you, please do not post to this Meetup group again without running it by me first. The sentiments you posted are not my views.
In another one of my Meetup groups I had a similar debate with a group member. This person felt that there were rules that should be followed strictly. In contrast, I felt that the group was there for the group members and could be adapted as needed. As in this case, his behavior quickly drove away the other group members, and that group has not met for more than a year. More than twenty months later, I continue to pay for that group because I do not want to lose that contact list of the people that I know.
Rather than let you close this group with your behavior, I am going to offer a compromise. If you want, you can have your own strict Self Inquiry meeting on the Mondays that this group does not meet and you can post it to my Meetup site. I will continue to facilitate this Meetup to the best of my ability and I will ask you to not attend, or if you do attend, I will request that you be accepting of the varying ways that members of my group practice Self Inquiry. I may or may not choose to attend your group, but I understand that if I do I will follow your stricter rules.
I do not know why you feel that this strict observance must be followed on the path to Self Inquiry, but that is not my concern. My concern is for my group members, many of whom are my friends, and for how they are treated.
I look forward to hearing back from you.